Hey folks,



I have been jotting down these little notes to myself about the little things I have observed on the trip. Ive been calling them lessons learned. Well, here I am in London with nothing to do, on my last day, with temperatures boiling, a hurt foot, and too much time on my hands, and I have this big collection of currently untyped lessons learned. I usually do 5 or 6, but its clearance time. Im not worried though. They are pretty funny, so you should enjoy them. But this is the LAST DAY IN THE UK version of LESSONS LEARNED. Hope you enjoy the bargain blowout.


1- The Brits are not afraid of nipples. Do you remember a little while ago when Janet Jackson had her wardrobe malfunction, and showed the world her perk and pierced nipple during the Super Bown Halftime Show? Of course you do, because everyone freaked out. Media went on a rampage. Congress called hearings. The FCC started handing our insane fines for indecency. That is one powerful nipple. Well, the Brits down have this problem. Open up a non-porn mens magazine like Esquire, Maxim, or FHM, and you see PAGES of nipples. They are in the newspapers too, with the notorious Page 3 girls. On television, not only are nipples normal, but we actually saw another woman licking a nipple. Plus, on top of that, porn is sold here far more casually. It makes sense, enjoyable as nipples are, they are hardly that scary. We all have them, we all see them constantly, so why be scared. Anyhow, nipples in the UK are everywhere, and its great. Thats right, great.

2- There is no Royale with Cheeze The famous Pulp Fiction quote is actually talking about France, not England, but I told my buddy Ben that I would check on it for him. Sure enough, Quarter Pounder is right there on the menu. I found out that the Brits measure things in Stones and Pounds, rather than kilos. Often they refer to their weight in stones (like9 stonesthough I am not aware of the conversion rate), but can also refer to things as pounds. Therefore, pounds and quarter pounds are not foreign to them and they do not have to change the name. Ill ask Katie if she saw a Royale with Cheeze when she was in Paris.

3- Ronald MacDonald aint no friend of mine While the Mc of our experience serves out the most delicious kinds of social irresponsibility, obesity, and gastro-disorders ever served on a bun (or in a cardboard container), the UK version is just no substitute. McDs always alters both their menu and their recipe to fit the local tastes. Well, Brits have no idea how to make a proper hamburger (they taste like spongy rags), the McNuggets were dry and tasteless, and the frieswell, they just werent right. Overall, it was all just a little nasty. Of course, so is Black Pudding, so what did I expect. (Also to be fair, a country as renowned for over-sized servings of grease, chemicals, and sugar has no place to criticize anyone.)

4- Mayo no-wayo - While were at it on the food tip, Brits LOVE mayonnaise. Now, Ive never hated mayonnaise like many other people I know do, but the British cant get enough. Its not just on the sandwiches, it IS the sandwich. I had a Tuno Mayo sandwich that was far too generous in using the term tuna. And the further south I got in Britain, the less cabbage and lettuce was in the cole slaw, and the more mayo. The last one I had tasted like I was spooning out mayo directly out of the jar with a spoon. I didnt used to dislike mayo at all, but I may be off of it for good now.


5- Curry Flurry - Also, during this big food run-down, the UK is obsessed with curry and curry shops. Now, I know there is a large Indian population here due to the occupation during their spotty history, but its not like you see a lot of African food joints in the US following slavery. They talk about curry in the magazines, have contests about the best curry restaurant in the UK. Stores that serve completely different kinds of food (Chinese, French, American) also serve curry. Ive never seen anything like it. Curry has always caused my stomach a bit of upset, so I may be sensitive, but when the dish is referred to as an activity, such as Lets go have a curry, you know they are bonkers for it.

6- Pence make no cents (my moms joke). - Now, getting off of food, let me rant a little about the size of the pound. Or rather, the size of their coins. Now, we all know how annoying it is that the dime is smaller than the penny or the nickel, right? But everything else is pretty much right. 1 smaller than 5 smaller than 25 smaller than 1 dollar. Not so in the UK. One pence is the smallest coin, but then the full pound is second. Followed by twenty pence, then ten pence, then two pounds, then two pence, then fifty pence. Figure that one out. The only nice thing is that the cheap ones are copper, the medium ones are silver, and the big ones are gold. Still, the obsessive compulsive in my requires my change to be in consecutive sizes in relation to their amount. Yes, I am insane, but damn it, its only right.

7- Gossip is the talk of the town. (my own bad joke) If you think gossip is bad in the states, you have NO idea what its like over here. Brits love celebrities, but more importantly, they love to make celebrities look like silly, fat, ugly, stupid, mean, mis-tempered wanks. They love ripping on celebs. Paparazzis are big business here. There are gossip rags galore, and they are seldom, if ever, nice or generous to their celebrities. Its like they want to know about them, but only if its in a negative light. Its amazing. When a contestant on a previous season of Big Brother UK had a crazy, wild night on the town, it actually made the first page of a couple of semi-legitimate papers. As I said, UK loves its gossip.

8- Seriously? This is going to seem strange to those of you from the US when you read this, but the show Big Brother is huge out here. Hold on. Im not talking about a lot of people watch the show. I am talking cultural phenomenon. Every magazine I read, every website I opened, every time I turned around, it seemed like Big Brother was being discussed, dissected, analysed, considered, reshown, and more. The UK is CRAZY for Big Brother. Ive never seen a show get this kind of National attention in the US whatsoever. Its ten times bigger than the first Survivor ever was. In fact, and I am not kidding here folks, but they show a LIVE telecast at night of the people in the Big Brother house.sleeping. Yes, thats right, sleeping. Whats more, its oddly fascinating. Dayna and I realized that we watched it for 10 minutes. But yes, were talking Truman Show, but with more cultural backlash. The members become huge celebrities when they get ousted from the house. People get up in arms about it. Ive honestly never seen anything like it.

9- The Brits drink a LOT! Look, I know Im a straight edge, but Im no prude. Ive been around a lot of drinking, and though I have become more sensitive to hard-core drinking in recent years by my friends, I honestly am not terribly concerned about it. But my friends drinking habits are going to become of far less concern after visiting here. While the Irish get a lot of press for their drinking habits, it has to be said that the Brits drink their fair share as well. I have this wonderful picture of about 40 kegs stacked outside a pub on a Saturday night. I would say that the single most lucrative business for a small business owner in the UK has to be selling alcohol of some kind. Its hard to find a place that doesnt sell it (most of our hotels did). In Scotland, we found centuries old abbys converted into pubs, huge insurance company and bank buildings, converted into pubs. There were moving pubs. Ive never seen so much. Again, I dont think Im a prude, but this is a LOT of alcohol. Theres something kinda nice about it, because they are far more socially active than our country, and tend to commune more with each other in these social spots, but I just wish there was a wider variety of motivations for socializing. Every recommendation in every city we got from people we talked to in order to meet people or get out for a good time was a pub. Not sure what to think about this, but it is very noticeable.

10- Pay to Pee. - I have travelled a lot, and I have never had to pay for a bathroom that I can remember (except when they are for customers only, and I will have to buy some .39 cent cheeseburger to get permission to use the bathroom). Here, have had to pay to pee at least 8 times, mostly at train stations. Its also an odd place to do that, because if I were short 20p, or had larger coins, I am actually being encouraged to pee somewhere else in public, in a corner or phone-booth. Its an odd policy.


11- The Scottish/English rivalry continues strongly- When we were in Scotland, we learned to not tell people that we were going to be travelling to Manchester, York, or London. When we did, the Scotts gave us a look as if we just suggested that we would be visiting a waste treatment plant. The Scotts REALLY hate the English. On the other hand, while the English seem to hold very little despisement for the Scotts, they do seem to have a healthy snobbery towards them. One girl who we were going to meet suggested that the Scotts were not as friendly and nice as the English, even though weve found the opposite to be somewhat true (at least in terms of open, instant friendliness). I remember when I was visiting South Africa, talking to a black citizen there, he told me that while on the surface, the blacks and whites smiled and got along, deep down there was terrible rifts between them. Its not quite that bad here, but its pretty rough. The Welch, on the other hand, were pretty content just to be eccentric, and didnt really think much about the English (though, they have maintained their own language, which is featured on almost all major signs in the cities)

12- Overall, there is so much greatness here. - Sure, I can rant about the little things, and thats always fun. Its actually interesting to look over the little things that divide us because it reminds me just how much we have in common. Sure, weve met lots of weird, sometimes mean, people in our journeys, but we have also met so many amazing and wonderful souls, and its clear we do all belong to one another. Its been a life-changing, mind changing trip, and I am blessed to have had it.

I will write a bit more later, but for now, this is going to be it. I am going to write up a little story of our actual trip, since my blogs have been about either observations or reflections. Im making my notes on it now, so expect it soon. I may even pop out a few more random observations for your reading pleasure, considering how much time Ive got on the plane. See some of you soon, and others of you a little later.